im in english class which an really cool teacher. dont ask me whats his name but he is new and is an awesome teacher. he understands us kids and knows that we wanna have fun and everything. wish all teachers was like that. this will prob be my last year of school as im not enjoying it and wanna get money and move forward in my life. at a bad point of my life. im not well at all and its driving me crazy. no joke i just about did something i would regret. i dont know y im so down but i wanna get rid of it.
wooo only 15 min of class then i can go home and sleep. o crap no i got maths homework :( and now englih homework. wont take to long anyway haha.
i really dont like guys haha. i hate that i love them haha my boyfriend can be so anoying but then on the other hand he can be so sweet. one min i wanna brake up with him and the next i wanna see him more n more. i really dont get it haha. me n him was talking about true love last night. have i found my true love or is her still out there. life is weired haha. anyway i dont really no wat to wright. so ill let u go cya xx
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
letting it all out
you know what? its really fuked up how he says that he want to move in together but then he cant save. i mean how can we do that when u dont no how to save. im not gonna keep buying you worthless things, but on the other hand i still really love him. he looks out for me and makes sure im ok 24/7. he will stay up all night just to talk to me and wait till i feel asleep. i went to give him a kiss one day and he put his hand ova his mouth. so i was like fine i wont kiss u then and started to walk off, but he grabbed my hand, pulled me back and gave me this really big kiss. it was sooo sweet. i really do love him i just wish he didnt use me for money all the time he makes 1000 buck each fortnight. 500 a week, and now he only has 80 in his bank. it really shit me off but is it just me?
im different and i dont like it at all. i can tell i have changed, my family can see that i have changed, my bf can see i have changed and also my friends have. I HATE IT!!! i wanna go back to the old me. i snap to easy. i cry alot. i have different moods each day. grr i hate it.
there is not a day that i dont look at myself and thing holly fuk look at this ugly fat girl. i cant help it i just think it. when i went to a weeding EVERY1 said how beautiful i looked. i even had 3 boys chat me up at work. my best friend when we was at peters kept calling me gorgeous. and poking my head haha man i love her. but i have hurt her. i hope we have worked it out tho but im scared that i will hurt her or any1 again. im scared of loosing my friends and my bf. i dont think i have been this scared for ages. i shouldnt be. i no most of my friends might be here for me and i no that my bf wont leave me. grr i hate feeling like this and thinking like this. my best friend and my friends and even my bf have been the best thing that has happened in my life. i really dont wanan fuk it up because i have changed.
i use to wanna jump of a cliff. i use to think if i die every1 will be happyer. but then a beautiful caring girl wrote on her block how taking the easy way out is easy at all. she is fuking rite 100% corect and man i feel so fuking stupied. she saved my life again. i love u sis and i mean it. UR GORGEOUS!!!!!
woo party
anywy i gtg. seeling bangles woo if u wanna buyy one give me a call ;)
im different and i dont like it at all. i can tell i have changed, my family can see that i have changed, my bf can see i have changed and also my friends have. I HATE IT!!! i wanna go back to the old me. i snap to easy. i cry alot. i have different moods each day. grr i hate it.
there is not a day that i dont look at myself and thing holly fuk look at this ugly fat girl. i cant help it i just think it. when i went to a weeding EVERY1 said how beautiful i looked. i even had 3 boys chat me up at work. my best friend when we was at peters kept calling me gorgeous. and poking my head haha man i love her. but i have hurt her. i hope we have worked it out tho but im scared that i will hurt her or any1 again. im scared of loosing my friends and my bf. i dont think i have been this scared for ages. i shouldnt be. i no most of my friends might be here for me and i no that my bf wont leave me. grr i hate feeling like this and thinking like this. my best friend and my friends and even my bf have been the best thing that has happened in my life. i really dont wanan fuk it up because i have changed.
i use to wanna jump of a cliff. i use to think if i die every1 will be happyer. but then a beautiful caring girl wrote on her block how taking the easy way out is easy at all. she is fuking rite 100% corect and man i feel so fuking stupied. she saved my life again. i love u sis and i mean it. UR GORGEOUS!!!!!
i wanna say sorry to any1 i have hurt. thats the most important thging. i love u all. YOU ALOL HAVE A SPACE IN MY HEART!!!
woo party
anywy i gtg. seeling bangles woo if u wanna buyy one give me a call ;)
~Keep Safe~
x~True Love ~ x
Sunday, November 8, 2009
.... yea
well hello everyone :D
im all alone. there is no1 beside me..... no really there is NO1 here. only me and the teacher. every1 else is doing the leadership thing which i did on thu and fri. so i thought hmmm i will wright a blog.
i think i have been a real cunt to some of my friends latly. its something i feel even if some of you dont think i have. so im saying a big sorry if i am hurting you or if i have xx i love you all !!!!! its better to say sorry the to fight.
NOW does ANY1 know ANYTHING about the MATRIX!!!! we have to right 500 words on the matrix and about the red pill and blue pill. im not worried about the 500 words. im worried cause the matrix is so confusing!!!!! its like... WTF JUST HAPPENED!!! first they are running for there lives and next min they miss 1 million bullets... ok not a million but you get me. anyway i need help on this so if you know anything about the matrix could u please holla to me homies haha
JODIE!!!! :( :( :( i miss you So so so so much. i cant get on msn becuase my comp is stuffed and i cant use mums cause it lags brads game and NOOOOOO WAY CAN WE HAVE THAT NOW CAN WE!!!!!!! grr he shits me off. i hope you got my letter jodie and some of the pics i sent you. not long now till you come back.. WOOOO how things over there anyway? miss u a ton and sorry that we havent talked for ages... blame brad hahahaha.. grr
MAN there is so much shit i wanna say about my brother but i cant as a little SLUT tells him everything. i thought we was friends. use to be good friends but i dont wanna if your gonna tell my brother everything i say. for eg. we was at this great party. her mum was awesome and let some of us have some drinks. we was all having fun and getting long. so we decided to play 10 fingers. we said WHAT EVER IS SAID IN THE CIRCLE STAYS IN THE CIRCLE!!! and it did. every1 kept every1 secrets apart from you. you had to tell my brother everything we was talking about in the circle. well i know who i can n cant trust now. anyway i wanted to get that off my chest hahah... woo i feel better.
i get ova 400 bucks WOOOOOOOO but i worked like everyday (apart from wed) one good thing that happened was that i was the boss of EVERY1 on sunday hahahah suckers. well make a long story short. some1 quit and bec (the big boss) had to take her shift and i took becs shift. which was from 7 in the morning till 4 in the afternoon. i was a good boss. because i didnt even know i was the boss till i fin and some1 told me hahah. o well i still feel powerful. but i dont wanna do it all the time. its crazy O.o
OMG guess what. well i was working anf then when i get home there is all this bark chips all over the drive way. mum told me that she heard a big BANG! and went out side there there was bark chips everywhere. we had no idea what did it till some1 told us that it could of been ligthneen. WOW you know how you get hot lighting. well that happened. lucky no1 was outside hahah
anyway the bell is gonna go soon hahah well this was an intresting class... me n the teacher pimping it out. hahah
mon - school and work
tue- school gym (if you wanna come you can :) )
wed- school and work and doctor
thur- school and work
fri-school and work
sat - work
sun - work
~Keep Safe~
im all alone. there is no1 beside me..... no really there is NO1 here. only me and the teacher. every1 else is doing the leadership thing which i did on thu and fri. so i thought hmmm i will wright a blog.
i think i have been a real cunt to some of my friends latly. its something i feel even if some of you dont think i have. so im saying a big sorry if i am hurting you or if i have xx i love you all !!!!! its better to say sorry the to fight.
NOW does ANY1 know ANYTHING about the MATRIX!!!! we have to right 500 words on the matrix and about the red pill and blue pill. im not worried about the 500 words. im worried cause the matrix is so confusing!!!!! its like... WTF JUST HAPPENED!!! first they are running for there lives and next min they miss 1 million bullets... ok not a million but you get me. anyway i need help on this so if you know anything about the matrix could u please holla to me homies haha
JODIE!!!! :( :( :( i miss you So so so so much. i cant get on msn becuase my comp is stuffed and i cant use mums cause it lags brads game and NOOOOOO WAY CAN WE HAVE THAT NOW CAN WE!!!!!!! grr he shits me off. i hope you got my letter jodie and some of the pics i sent you. not long now till you come back.. WOOOO how things over there anyway? miss u a ton and sorry that we havent talked for ages... blame brad hahahaha.. grr
MAN there is so much shit i wanna say about my brother but i cant as a little SLUT tells him everything. i thought we was friends. use to be good friends but i dont wanna if your gonna tell my brother everything i say. for eg. we was at this great party. her mum was awesome and let some of us have some drinks. we was all having fun and getting long. so we decided to play 10 fingers. we said WHAT EVER IS SAID IN THE CIRCLE STAYS IN THE CIRCLE!!! and it did. every1 kept every1 secrets apart from you. you had to tell my brother everything we was talking about in the circle. well i know who i can n cant trust now. anyway i wanted to get that off my chest hahah... woo i feel better.
i get ova 400 bucks WOOOOOOOO but i worked like everyday (apart from wed) one good thing that happened was that i was the boss of EVERY1 on sunday hahahah suckers. well make a long story short. some1 quit and bec (the big boss) had to take her shift and i took becs shift. which was from 7 in the morning till 4 in the afternoon. i was a good boss. because i didnt even know i was the boss till i fin and some1 told me hahah. o well i still feel powerful. but i dont wanna do it all the time. its crazy O.o
OMG guess what. well i was working anf then when i get home there is all this bark chips all over the drive way. mum told me that she heard a big BANG! and went out side there there was bark chips everywhere. we had no idea what did it till some1 told us that it could of been ligthneen. WOW you know how you get hot lighting. well that happened. lucky no1 was outside hahah
anyway the bell is gonna go soon hahah well this was an intresting class... me n the teacher pimping it out. hahah
mon - school and work
tue- school gym (if you wanna come you can :) )
wed- school and work and doctor
thur- school and work
fri-school and work
sat - work
sun - work
~Keep Safe~
x~True Love~x
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Depression
Grr, i cant believe it. i have depression. i dont see how i could have it. i have GREAT friends who i love and care for, i have a wonderful family who gives me what i need (bed, food, water, a roof), i have the best boyfriend ever who treats me so good. so why do i lock myself in my room, pitch dark and start crying. cause i got fuking depression. im scared that this depression will stuff up my life. even my bf is getting worried about me cause i seem really down everyday. i cant help it. its just something i feel. i think that i need to get alot off my chest. so if u dont like readin this then stop and do something else.
first off i would like to say sorry to my best friend. thats if we r still best friend. from the day when i met my man and stared going out me and you have had some tiffs. they r all prob my falt and im sorry for saying shit about you being at school or not going. i guess i just wanted you to have a good future and all that and the best way to do that is going to school. i feel that we have kinna drift apart a little bit and i think to myself, is it because im with brad or am i that bad of a friend. am i spending more time with him and not her. but you have no idea how hard it is to spend time with your bf and plus friends plus school and work and family. i have no time for myself. if a friend goes hey come to the mall and then my bf says come to my place but then mum says that i want you home. which way do i go? what would you do? if i go with friends my bf gets sad and if i go with bf my friends get sad and if i dont go home my family gets sad. im always stuck in the middle confused and lost. and no1 has helped me. mybe thats y im depressed. mybe i should brake up with my bf. get out of the group and leave town. maybe every1 will be happy then. apart from me. but who cares about me. as every1 has told me. im just a little bitch who follows people and cant think for myself. im just a low life peice of shit
now your prob think omg this girl need to get over herself. well dont even bother saying anything like that. i think i have hit rock bottom that no1 can make me back to my old self. i have to force a smile on my face when i wake up just to show mum that she is a great mum which she is. i have to force a laugh so people feel good in them self. even if it is funny i just find it hard to laugh these days. i force myslef to look happy every fuking day so people will not worry about me. as some1 said ( no idea who lol) always think of number 1.... yourself. well my number one is not me. it is everything and everyone around me. i worrie about the littlest things in life. im really sick... the doc has told me that there could be this n this wrong with me. big words and i dn how to spell them so i cant say. but to put it in simple form. if the blood test come back as postive that i will be is hosiptial for a long time.
i think i have lost most of my close friends. there are still some who wanna talk to me and dont act different. its prob my falt and im sorry. ill be gone soon. i dont even think people trust me. if a fuking secret comes out people r starting to blame me. once this dude had a deep secret which i didnt no about. then he came up to me and payed me out for telling every1. how the fuk could i tell every1 when i didnt even no about it.. i mean wtf? if people cant trust me then thats there prob. i no alot of people and there dark secrets and if u ask any1 if i have told them about it they would say no. prob cause half the time i forget them. now your prob thinking omg what a fuking lieing bitch and if u r then o fuking well. now this blog prob has heaps of merstakes in it but o well cause im not going to re read it. im going in my room wishing that i could be free and die like i have every nite for the last 2 weeks. but still... no1 seems to care.
~Keep Safe~
first off i would like to say sorry to my best friend. thats if we r still best friend. from the day when i met my man and stared going out me and you have had some tiffs. they r all prob my falt and im sorry for saying shit about you being at school or not going. i guess i just wanted you to have a good future and all that and the best way to do that is going to school. i feel that we have kinna drift apart a little bit and i think to myself, is it because im with brad or am i that bad of a friend. am i spending more time with him and not her. but you have no idea how hard it is to spend time with your bf and plus friends plus school and work and family. i have no time for myself. if a friend goes hey come to the mall and then my bf says come to my place but then mum says that i want you home. which way do i go? what would you do? if i go with friends my bf gets sad and if i go with bf my friends get sad and if i dont go home my family gets sad. im always stuck in the middle confused and lost. and no1 has helped me. mybe thats y im depressed. mybe i should brake up with my bf. get out of the group and leave town. maybe every1 will be happy then. apart from me. but who cares about me. as every1 has told me. im just a little bitch who follows people and cant think for myself. im just a low life peice of shit
now your prob think omg this girl need to get over herself. well dont even bother saying anything like that. i think i have hit rock bottom that no1 can make me back to my old self. i have to force a smile on my face when i wake up just to show mum that she is a great mum which she is. i have to force a laugh so people feel good in them self. even if it is funny i just find it hard to laugh these days. i force myslef to look happy every fuking day so people will not worry about me. as some1 said ( no idea who lol) always think of number 1.... yourself. well my number one is not me. it is everything and everyone around me. i worrie about the littlest things in life. im really sick... the doc has told me that there could be this n this wrong with me. big words and i dn how to spell them so i cant say. but to put it in simple form. if the blood test come back as postive that i will be is hosiptial for a long time.
i think i have lost most of my close friends. there are still some who wanna talk to me and dont act different. its prob my falt and im sorry. ill be gone soon. i dont even think people trust me. if a fuking secret comes out people r starting to blame me. once this dude had a deep secret which i didnt no about. then he came up to me and payed me out for telling every1. how the fuk could i tell every1 when i didnt even no about it.. i mean wtf? if people cant trust me then thats there prob. i no alot of people and there dark secrets and if u ask any1 if i have told them about it they would say no. prob cause half the time i forget them. now your prob thinking omg what a fuking lieing bitch and if u r then o fuking well. now this blog prob has heaps of merstakes in it but o well cause im not going to re read it. im going in my room wishing that i could be free and die like i have every nite for the last 2 weeks. but still... no1 seems to care.
~Keep Safe~
x~True Love~x
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Im Fucked :(
I think there is something wrong with me, but i don't no what it is. I no there is something deep inside of me making me this way. What is it tho? Lets make some points and then u (the readers) can tell my why I'm so fucked up.
1. My fucking family. Don't get me wrong i love them to bits but they can shit me off so much that i wish to kill myself. Last night my mum n my bro had this huge fight that i ended running away from home. 10 at night alone down the river where there is abos and all those Kinna drunks. No1 cared that i was gone apart from my boyfriend. He wanted to come and pick me up and take me home but he couldn't. Not even my mum cared that i was alone. Prob cause she knows I'm a big girl and wont go far from home. These fights my family have is getting more crazy and shit. I cant stand it any more. I really wanna move away from all this bullshit and everything. Man life is tough in this world when u live alone but its even tougher when ur mum n bro is just about killing each other all ova me :( i hate it i fucking hate it all.
2. Some fucking people don't think be4 they say. Let me ask you a question! Do u no how i feel when u fucking say shit about me? Even tho its a joke but do u really no how it could effect people? At the start i just fucking laughed it off thinking u will get ova it and stop. But no the joke always pops out again. Yes OK i had sex. Yes OK i have done this and that. But fuck me I'm ova that shit and I'm ova u calling me loose or saying anything about me. Not only the sex but everything. I'm sick of being the joker that every1 can laugh and pick on. I have had it all my life and i don't want it any more. Its OK to say things here and there but everyday when u see me. Fuck that's what makes me not wanna tell u anything. Its not like I'm pissed off or mad I'm just saying could u please cut it back. Even if u do it a little. I can take that OK thanks
3. I hate the way i look. I FUCKING HATE IT!! Even tho people say I'm beautiful and all this and i have a boyfriend i still don't like the way i look. I'm sick of being fat, I'm sick of my teeth being all weired, I'm sick of my hair, I'm sick of my big ears. I look in the mirror and i feel like crying. I say to my self how can a guy so hot and kind like a piece of shit like this. I cant see it. Even tho i shouldn't put myself down its just something i do as i worry about what people think of me. I worry alot and sometimes that shits people off which makes me feel bad. I feel like no1 wants me around or that i don't help them when they r so sad. I feel like i have lost one of my REALLY good friend to some1 else. Its prob my fault anyway as it always is.
4. I have this really fucked up uncial that has not only fucked up my family's life but my Nana's life and alot of other people. He fucking takes dope and takes money from every1. He has to live off his mother and make her life hell. He cant fucking keep a simple job or live by him self. He fucking shits me off as he has put so much stress on my dad and mum and others. When i went to see Nana i saw him smoking in the bathroom and trying to make me do some. Fucking hell that's no way to make some1 smoke. He is so fall of crap but that doesn't mean i what him to die. He has been talking about how he wanna kill him self and all that shit. I FUCKING HATE THAT!!! When people say o i wanna kill myself or go and kill yourself. It shits me off so much and i feel like killing them GRRRR even talking about it shits me off so much.
5. I'm so sick of work. Cant any1 work prop in the deli. They r all so slow and bossy and always make me do all the hard work. Even if they have an easy job they still ask me for help. OMG i should be the fucking boss of the deli as the real one cant even keep track of what days people have off and everything. I just about could go to the most awesomeness party on sat as work put me on for that day. I cracked the shits at them and told them i asked it for it off and everything. Lucky i have it off now. I hate the people i have to serve. They can be so fucking rude. I did nothing wrong and this dude complained to the BIG boss that i was treating him badly. Fucking thanks alot man i got in so much shit because of u. Grr
GOOD THINGS!!!!
1. I have the best sister in the world. She is here for me when I'm down and everything. I don't no what i will do if we never met. Hmm i don't even like thinking that shit as i would prop be a sad teen without her. i love u sis and don't forget that. xxoo
2 I have the most handsome, kindest boyfriend ever. I fucking love him to death. He treats me so well and looks after me as i was his daughter and he was the father. All the other guys that have fucked around and been so crap to me, i thought i could never find my prince. But i have found him and I'm so glad. U mean heaps to me. if i didn't have you or my sis i would be dead. prop at the bottom of the sea. You to are like a family and a lover to me. I love u xxxx
3. I love my family. They do look out of me and all that. They also mean alot to me and if they die i would go and die with them as they watched me grown into this world and they should see me die. I respect you all and i love you all xxx
4. My lovable dog Oscar. Your like a son to me that i can cuddle and kiss and watch grow. I really wanted a dog but non of the dogs i looked at i liked. Not even ur brothers and sisters. Only you i feel in love with and love still. I'm so glad i have you, I love u Oscar xxx
5. I got my L's WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO even tho i have been driving with out them but i still glad i got them.. WOOOOOOOOO Watch out every1 GET OFF THE ROAD BAHAHAHAHHA!!
Anyway that's about it. Please tell me y I'm fucked up.
~Keep Safe~
1. My fucking family. Don't get me wrong i love them to bits but they can shit me off so much that i wish to kill myself. Last night my mum n my bro had this huge fight that i ended running away from home. 10 at night alone down the river where there is abos and all those Kinna drunks. No1 cared that i was gone apart from my boyfriend. He wanted to come and pick me up and take me home but he couldn't. Not even my mum cared that i was alone. Prob cause she knows I'm a big girl and wont go far from home. These fights my family have is getting more crazy and shit. I cant stand it any more. I really wanna move away from all this bullshit and everything. Man life is tough in this world when u live alone but its even tougher when ur mum n bro is just about killing each other all ova me :( i hate it i fucking hate it all.
2. Some fucking people don't think be4 they say. Let me ask you a question! Do u no how i feel when u fucking say shit about me? Even tho its a joke but do u really no how it could effect people? At the start i just fucking laughed it off thinking u will get ova it and stop. But no the joke always pops out again. Yes OK i had sex. Yes OK i have done this and that. But fuck me I'm ova that shit and I'm ova u calling me loose or saying anything about me. Not only the sex but everything. I'm sick of being the joker that every1 can laugh and pick on. I have had it all my life and i don't want it any more. Its OK to say things here and there but everyday when u see me. Fuck that's what makes me not wanna tell u anything. Its not like I'm pissed off or mad I'm just saying could u please cut it back. Even if u do it a little. I can take that OK thanks
3. I hate the way i look. I FUCKING HATE IT!! Even tho people say I'm beautiful and all this and i have a boyfriend i still don't like the way i look. I'm sick of being fat, I'm sick of my teeth being all weired, I'm sick of my hair, I'm sick of my big ears. I look in the mirror and i feel like crying. I say to my self how can a guy so hot and kind like a piece of shit like this. I cant see it. Even tho i shouldn't put myself down its just something i do as i worry about what people think of me. I worry alot and sometimes that shits people off which makes me feel bad. I feel like no1 wants me around or that i don't help them when they r so sad. I feel like i have lost one of my REALLY good friend to some1 else. Its prob my fault anyway as it always is.
4. I have this really fucked up uncial that has not only fucked up my family's life but my Nana's life and alot of other people. He fucking takes dope and takes money from every1. He has to live off his mother and make her life hell. He cant fucking keep a simple job or live by him self. He fucking shits me off as he has put so much stress on my dad and mum and others. When i went to see Nana i saw him smoking in the bathroom and trying to make me do some. Fucking hell that's no way to make some1 smoke. He is so fall of crap but that doesn't mean i what him to die. He has been talking about how he wanna kill him self and all that shit. I FUCKING HATE THAT!!! When people say o i wanna kill myself or go and kill yourself. It shits me off so much and i feel like killing them GRRRR even talking about it shits me off so much.
5. I'm so sick of work. Cant any1 work prop in the deli. They r all so slow and bossy and always make me do all the hard work. Even if they have an easy job they still ask me for help. OMG i should be the fucking boss of the deli as the real one cant even keep track of what days people have off and everything. I just about could go to the most awesomeness party on sat as work put me on for that day. I cracked the shits at them and told them i asked it for it off and everything. Lucky i have it off now. I hate the people i have to serve. They can be so fucking rude. I did nothing wrong and this dude complained to the BIG boss that i was treating him badly. Fucking thanks alot man i got in so much shit because of u. Grr
GOOD THINGS!!!!
1. I have the best sister in the world. She is here for me when I'm down and everything. I don't no what i will do if we never met. Hmm i don't even like thinking that shit as i would prop be a sad teen without her. i love u sis and don't forget that. xxoo
2 I have the most handsome, kindest boyfriend ever. I fucking love him to death. He treats me so well and looks after me as i was his daughter and he was the father. All the other guys that have fucked around and been so crap to me, i thought i could never find my prince. But i have found him and I'm so glad. U mean heaps to me. if i didn't have you or my sis i would be dead. prop at the bottom of the sea. You to are like a family and a lover to me. I love u xxxx
3. I love my family. They do look out of me and all that. They also mean alot to me and if they die i would go and die with them as they watched me grown into this world and they should see me die. I respect you all and i love you all xxx
4. My lovable dog Oscar. Your like a son to me that i can cuddle and kiss and watch grow. I really wanted a dog but non of the dogs i looked at i liked. Not even ur brothers and sisters. Only you i feel in love with and love still. I'm so glad i have you, I love u Oscar xxx
5. I got my L's WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO even tho i have been driving with out them but i still glad i got them.. WOOOOOOOOO Watch out every1 GET OFF THE ROAD BAHAHAHAHHA!!
Anyway that's about it. Please tell me y I'm fucked up.
~Keep Safe~
x~ True Love ~x
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Which Way?
I have been really happy this last couple of weeks. I still have my one and only sister, Lil who i would die for and i now have a boy friend, Brad who i would also die for. Its really good to have a guy plus a best friend. Not alot of people have that, but there is also a down side to it. Its hard to chose which way to go. I feel really bad as i lied toBrad to be with Lil. Brad asked me to come to his place and meet the rest of the family and i said yes. Then lil asked me if i would like to go to the mall with her n help pick a gift for my brothers party. i really wanted to meet Brads family but i also really wanted to go to the mall with Lil. i then lied to Brad and told him that i had to go home and work with dad in the yard and that i couldnt go to his place so i could go and spend time with lil. im glad i did cause i had fun :D and i havent been a really good friend to her so i wanna try and be better cause she desurves it, but i feel really bad tho. brad said to me that his friends wanted him to dog me at the dinner thing he took me to and have some drinks with them. i asked brad y didnt you go and he said that he would rather spend time with me then his friends and that im more important then that. it was so sweet but i felt like cryin cause i dogged him but then i think i havent been good friend to lil so im glad i did but then im not.. Its kinna really hard and im glad that lil likes him a little bit... not like didza.. grr.. but it is also kinna hard to talk about things without hurting some1. sometimes i think it was a bad idea to get a guy, but he makes me happy so i dont care what people think. as long as i got my sister and him im all good... but will this turn out bad?
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Bad Luck!
Do you believe in bad luck? Or it is something that people just say? Well i believe i have bad luck, but only with guys. I had fallen in love with this dude. His name was Mitchell. Wow what a stud he was. Loved him for 8 years but i was a fool since we never dated not even once. Bad luck. I then moved to Mildura and yea i did have my little crushes till i met Tom. Tall, black, handsome guy. He always knew what was the right thing to say and what to do. I thought he would be the one. Till he cheated on me. Bad luck. I then got another bf called Ben. He wasn't as good as Tom but he knew how to make me feel special :) I used to buy and give him alot of stuff. I also thought he was the one till his friends told me that he was only using me for money. Lost close to 700 buck on him and i didn't even have a job so it was hard to get that money back. Bad luck. I also gave another guy call Matt a go but it wasn't long till he cheated on me as well. Bad luck. I then gave up on guys in my town and gaveinternet dating a go. I met this guy called Will online. You wouldn't believe how nice people are to you who are over sea. Well how nice u think till u find out the truth. He stopped talking to me for ages and we never talked again. I then found out that he left and went over to china to marry a Chinese lady. I didn't mind as i didn't know him but common a Chinese lady? Was i that low to him? Bad luck. I gave another go with internet dating and met this dude called Karlief. He told me he was 18 and lived in the USA. I thought well he is a good age and he speaks English so why not? Might fly down to see him one day. We lasted for a pretty long time till he also stopped talking to me. I then found hismyspace and he was really 25 years old. He lied to me and if i was going to go and see him like i wanted to i prob might of got rapped. Bad luck. I gave up on internet dating. To hard and you cant trust them. I stayed single for a long time but while i was single i was making new friends. They are my friends till this day. I met this dude called Brad. He really wanted to go out with me but since i couldn't trust guys anymore i told him to take it slow. He then asked me out again and i said yes. But that didn't go well as he started to yell and telling me to go and kill myself. I was scared so i left him. Bad luck. Soon after i met Didza. I met him online but he lived in town. He asked me out and i really liked him that much that i said yes straight away. I kept asking him to come and meet me here n there. He would say yes but then dog me. He never showed up once. I then found out that he also cheated on me with one of his work mates. Bad luck. Before Brad and Didza i met Jesse. We went out for a week till he got drunk and had sex with his best friends sister. Bad luck. I then had some problems in my life and had to meet this dude to find information out. His name was also Tom and i knew him from my past. He was ugly back then but now.... WOW!!! We stayed as friends for a while till he asked me out. I was heaps happy. It felt like i could walk in the sky. One day i got a text from him. He really wanted to see me and since we lived so close i decided to walk to his place. Bad idea. He had been drinking and he was smashed. He told me to come inside and we could have sex. I did want to as i felt like it would be wrong to do it with a dude who didn't no what he was doing. I told him no and maybe another time. He didn't like that. He grabbed my arm trying to pull me inside. Didn't work as he couldn't stand straight and i was alot stronger then him. He let go of my arm and slapped me across the face and kicked me while i was down. He stopped and he realised what he was doing. I told him it was ova and i ran home. Bad luck. There has been some boys that have called me hot or sexy but then have asked me to show them stuff. Fun and Games but after a while when just about every guy u met ask you... it shits u off. Bad luck. This year i found a guy called Haydn. He liked everything i liked and we was the same. I really liked him and it seemed that he liked me. Something went wrong and we don't talk anymore. At least he did hurt me. Bad luck. Also this year i met Dave. Spunk he is :)We met in Melb and was even in room alone together. It was great never thought i could trust a guy or find love again. Until 2day! I read his facebook home page and there was this girl saying that she loves him xoxo. I didn't want to be hurt again so i asked him if he has a gf. He told me no and i believed him, but then he cracked it and blamed something on me and told me that he never wants to talk to me. It hurt hearing that. Bad luck.
BUT!!
To all of those boy who have cheated on me, used me, hurt me, lied to me or just about rapped me i tell u.... BAD LUCK!! as u had me but now have lost me forever. I treated you with respect and loved you and look what you did back to me. My heart beats no more for any of you. You all don't no what u have done to me. I cant trust any guy now and don't think i can find love for a long time. You people make me sick in this world.
~Keep Safe~
BUT!!
To all of those boy who have cheated on me, used me, hurt me, lied to me or just about rapped me i tell u.... BAD LUCK!! as u had me but now have lost me forever. I treated you with respect and loved you and look what you did back to me. My heart beats no more for any of you. You all don't no what u have done to me. I cant trust any guy now and don't think i can find love for a long time. You people make me sick in this world.
~Keep Safe~
x~True Love~x
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